You built a version of yourself that worked. It got the job, the friends, the reputation. It also became a cage you cannot remember walking into.
The cost of the curated self
Every performance requires a witness, and the witness eventually becomes internalised. You start editing yourself before anyone else has entered the room. The edits become the person. The person becomes exhausting.
What arriving unedited actually means
- Letting your face do what it wants to do before you decide what it should do.
- Saying the smaller, truer sentence instead of the larger, more impressive one.
- Being willing to be less interesting in exchange for being real.
- Trusting that the people who stay when you stop performing are the people worth staying for.
You do not need a better version of yourself. You need the version you have, allowed out of the room.
Frequently asked
- Won't I lose people if I stop performing?
- You will lose the ones who were only there for the performance. You will keep the ones you actually wanted, and you will finally know which was which.
Take it further
Courses related to this insight
If this essay touched something in you, there is a place to take it further.
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